All About my Mother. OK, Also my Grandparents and a Whole Bunch of Other Relatives.

So it's Mother's Day, and as such it seems to be expected for Moms to get breakfast in bed, treated like queens, etc. etc. The last three or four years that has not happened for my Mom, and I think our Mother's Day tradition is the perfect example of how totally awesome she is. This year, my Mom organized brunch for almost 50 people, in honor of all the mothers in our family, and particularly my grandmother.

My mother's parents died a number of years ago, but she is very close to my Dad's parents, and in fact they moved in next door to said grandparents, which is a whole other story. Both living grandparents now have Alzheimer's, and have really deteriorated the last couple years, to the point that they can't be trusted home alone for too long or simple things like making toast turn into kitchen fires. My grandparents had ten children (Irish Catholic, represent!), and all but one live in California, most in the immediate area. All have married and had children but one, and he re-married and has a stepdaughter, so in essence every single one of their ten children has children. I honestly can't keep track of all the kids in my extended family, but my grandparents have approximately 30 grandchildren and at this point more than ten great-grandkids in addition to that. Side note: It's reassuring when an aunt or uncle whispers "who's that kid?" to me while a toddler crawls around on the carpet. I am the least likely family member to have that answer except the out-of-state unlce and family, and it's a total bonding moment.

I grew up somewhat isolated in the country and we didn't see my grandparents and family nearly as much as they saw each other, so I was never as comfortable with the huge extended family network as they clearly were with each other. I have chronic outsider feelings in most situations and family gatherings - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc. - are arduous and feel interminable. Wailing kids, packs of wild young cousins running underfoot, polite and uncomfortable conversations with well-meaning but obliviously ignorant or fundamentally catholic aunts and uncles I have nothing in common with, this is what family holidays are to me (here's a small sample from my old blog). I'd like to avoid them altogether, but these things are important to my very excellent parents so I go to every fucking one.

Today I arrived at my parents, as requested, at 9:00 AM to be put to work. My mother asked me to go next door to borrow knives, then immediately decided she should go herself since my grandparents may have forgotten about today's event and she would be better to explain it (my grandma continually mistakes me for one or another cousin, but they are with my parents all the time, are aware to some degree of how much they lean on my parents and don't have a problem remembering them). They'd told my grandparents about this all week, and my grandmother at least three times yesterday. As my mother tells it, this morning she wished grandma Happy Mother's Day and reminded her of the brunch today. She explained that almost all her kids and her grandchildren would be there to honor her for Mother's Day, and grandma put her hands to her cheeks and exclaimed, "Oh, my goodness!" like it was a surprise party just for her. Obviously, grandma was thrilled.

My mother made orange scones with strawberries and whipped cream for dessert, bacon, a vegetarian egg-strada (vegetarian for ME, the only vegetarian in the family, because she is thoughtful like that), and fried potatoes. Other relatives brought quiche, ham, sausage, and a variety of coffee cakes and cinnamon rolls. We served coffee, tea and mimosas, which was my responsibility for all new arrivals. My other job was to give every single mother, including my great-grandchildren-producing cousins, and two sets of parents-in-law from one aunt and another uncle, one of the freaking ORCHID CORSAGES my parents had bought to make the day even more special. My mother was worried she may have miscounted and there might not be enough corsages, so we saved one in the fridge for her to put on only after she was sure all the other mothers got one (they got exactly the right number, so she eventually did get to wear her corsage).

To make this event happen, my parents spent the last two days cleaning their house, readying the outside garden area, borrowing a couple tables and a bunch of chairs from an uncle on my mom's side, and setting up one table in their enclosed patio and five outside tables, replete with tablecloths, vases of flowers from their garden (on every table - my dad is adorably into flower arranging), glasses, and all of the silverware they could get from their own stores and my grandparents. For smaller gatherings, it's always my job to set the table, but they had most of it done before I got there so I just had to fill in the blanks.

Because my mother likes to entertain people "right," in a way that my very alzheimered grandmother more than anyone else would appreciate, she was awake until 11:00 PM last night ironing napkins. Her biggest regret today was that my uncle's in-laws, a friendly and vivacious couple of sixty-odd-years, ended up sitting where she thought just kids would be, at the end of the row of outside tables where there were plastic instead of real glasses and some of the tableware was plastic.

They still had ironed cloth napkins, though!

My Mom spent her Mother's Day cooking, organizing, worrying about people getting enough food/drink, generally running around finding serving spoons, etc., and trying to make a very special holiday for everyone else. I think it's nuts for her to do this on what is ostensibly "her day", and freely say so, but it makes her happy so whatever. When I arrived she squealed and gave me a huge hug, told me how happy she was I was there, talked to my brother on the phone, hugged me again and told me how happy she was that I was helping, went next door to spread the word to my grandparents, came back and put the eggstrada in the oven and started cooking bacon and readying the potatoes and onions, opened my present and told me how thoughtful I was to get the Juno soundtrack, spread some family gossip while taking out the crystal glasses for me to place, spared a moment in the kitchen to chat with almost every newcomer, and on and on and on.

When the extended family finally all left - a full five-and-half hours AFTER scheduled brunch time, it was clear that this is pretty much the pleasantest holiday gathering my family has. Which is due entirely to my Mom's vision and preparation, and to my Dad's assistance. Point of this whole thing being: my Mom is teh awesome. I'm very impatient with most extended family stuff, but somehow when I'm involved in a way I know makes her very happy and I have a role that keeps me busy, I'm happier too.

After everyone finally left, we finished cleaning the big stuff and looked for a movie to watch on pay-per-view. I convinced them to go with Death at a Funeral, which my Dad nearly fell off the couch laughing at. So I guess it was a pretty great Mother's Day.

In about a month we get to do it again for Father's Day. I will suffer through it and be grateful to my parents too, again.